i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
