I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
