I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize