i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
