my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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