so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
