Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
