Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
