thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
