Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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