So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize