I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
