Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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