we're making bets on your personal life
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just high enough for therapy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
