He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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