I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize