she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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