I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
