I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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