wat bout pragnant strippers??
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
