So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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