I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
