I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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