Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just cropdusted the office
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
