i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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