I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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