we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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