Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
NoShamevember. You game?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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