so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
