I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
