i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
