we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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