I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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