if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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