Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
