"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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