my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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