you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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