too bad you live with your parents still
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
