Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
