i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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