I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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