how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
