Do you still have your period?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
