The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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