Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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