We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
