THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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