I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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