you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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