dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
