11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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