there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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