Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
