Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
