who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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