You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize