Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to calm my uterus...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
