I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
