sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
