for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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