LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
