I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Randomize
