I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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