He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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