Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
