Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the day after is always just damage control
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
