Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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