apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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